Let's get right into The Bachelor recap, because there's so much to discuss. Spoilers ahead, obviously.
Aside from a brief montage of the season's biggest moments, tonight's episode picks up with Colton's famed fence jump. It's hard to tell what's going on, it's so dark and the cameras are so shaky. It's The Blair Witch Project—but instead of a Maryland witch exacting her revenge upon hapless campers, it's Chris Harrison running around the Portuguese countryside yelling, "Colton?"
A van full of producers drives up. They're on the case, giving play-by-play walkie talkie updates. It's like Live PD, but instead of brave police men and women arresting criminals it's a producer saying, "I think we should go back and look in the brush more?"
"It's 11:40 at night!" Chris Harrison tells someone on the phone. At first I think maybe he's complaining that it's past his bedtime—those roses can't hand themselves out—but then he adds that they'll have to call the police if Colton doesn't turn up in another 20 or 30 minutes.
Ooh, maybe this really is Live PD.
Never mind, the producers in the van found Colton walking on the side of the road. "Are you okay?" a producer asks as she grabs his arm to get him out of the way of an oncoming car. "Don't touch me," he snipes back. "No, I'm not okay."
When Chris—out of breathe, aw—catches up with Colton, the Bachelor says he's "done with this shit." Chris, correctly, is like, Sir, you can't just walk to the airport. At least get in the car. Colton repeats that he's done with the whole thing. Done done. When he finally gets in the car, Colton cries because he's been "reminded enough times" that he's "not enough."
"Every time I put myself out there I get rejected," he says. Um, tell that to Tia. Or, I don't know, all the women you've dumped this season. You want the one woman who rejected you—it doesn't take a full 40-minute therapy session to figure that one out.
The next morning, Chris Harrison checks in with Colton. "Last night was wild," he jokes. Colton says he needed time alone, because "any time something good happens to me, or for me, it's followed by something bad." (Again, can we get Tia's thoughts on this?)
He thinks Cassie left because she's confused about him still dating two other women, so he needs to fix that. "Do you really think that's what it is?" Chris asks, correctly. "What if the bottom line is she's just not that into you?"
Colton is all, Nahhh, she loves me. She's just too scared to admit it. Sure, Colton. Sure.
Time to break up with Tayshia, I guess. He shows up at her room and makes her just sit there, confused, while he sighs and looks at the ground. "You're incredible," he finally says, before dropping the bomb that he loves Cassie. She replies with a pursed lip and a simple "mmhmm" that says it all. "Can we talk without all these cameras?" she asks. They go into her room, but the mics stay on. (Thank God. The inevitable closed-door-microphone-on conversation scene is always a highlight on any reality show.) Nothing too juicy though—they just cry. At one point, Colton opens the door just wide enough to allow the cameras to see him hugging her goodbye.
When we return from commercial, Tayshia's in the studio with Chris looking ab-so-lutely fantastic. She says it hurt to hear he was in love with Cassie, but she knows it must have been hard for him to admit that. Chris points out that she was mainly taking care of him during the breakup, when it's usually the other way around. "I know that I deserve a lot," she says. If Colton loves someone else, well, that's his journey.
When Colton joins her on stage, Tayshia asks what was missing. He says it's not really something missing in their relationship, but rather what he had with Cassie. "I just wish the best for you," she says. "I hope you're happy."
Published at Tue, 12 Mar 2019 02:30:00 +0000